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Aug 5, 2019

A listener asks what to do when love does feel like a zero sum game; his wife took a lover, and our listener felt like he got even less sex than before.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit

1:00 Intro and host chat

  • Minx recorded an episode of D&D Dads podcast with J.R. Blackwell, but the podcast hasn’t yet launched. Stay tuned!
  • We had fun in Copenhagen!

3:00 Poly in the news

9:00 When love IS a zero-sum game

Listener Micah writes in to ask what to do now that his wife brought up the idea of poly, started dating someone half her age, and is now having much less sex with Micah.

  • If we are painting a rosy, easy picture of poly, we need to change, because the emotional development required for polyamory (or any relationship) takes time and effort.
  • Lusty Guy wonders about the use of the word “affair”—is this a reflection of your jealousy, or do you feel she wasn’t being honest?
  • The issue is likely some preexisting issue in your relationship (perhaps the libido difference, perhaps something else). This sounds like “relationship broken, add more people.”
  • To strengthen your relationship, have an honest conversation with your wife. Stop comparing before and after the metamour and start talking about the behaviors you want to see to feel better in your relationship. And ask for the same of her.

19:00 Happy poly moment

A monogamous listener writes in to share a happy not-poly moment about not panicking when her fiancé shared that he was attracted to a colleague, and our listener could accept it without jealousy or drama!

20:45 Feedback

  • Soft Shell Crabby wrote in a follow up after we address her question in episode 574 Is it OK to ask to meet my metamour (spoiler: it helped, and they are better now!)
  • Reama says some really nice things about the quality of our content.

23:40 Thank you!

Thanks to our new Poly Weekly Playmates, Mirjam, Syncione, Quinlan, and Melvin!

24:10 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email

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