Preview Mode Links will not work in preview mode

For the full collection of poly resources, including reading lists, books by Minx and Lusty Guy, online poly courses and poly FAQs, visit

Dec 17, 2018

Kevin Patterson, Chris Smith, Lusty Guy, and Minx discuss what we mean by "toxic masculinity" and how we should respond to both the term and the thing itself.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit

1:15 Host chat

1:30 Topic: Toxic masculinity

Kevin Patterson, creator of the Poly Role Models blog and author of Love’s Not Color Blind and For Hire: Operator, Chris Smith, a doctoral student at Howard University, author of Open to Love: Polyamory and the Black American and relationship researcher, and Lusty Guy, our cohost and producer.

What is toxic masculinity? Setting absolutes on how gender can present and act. What makes it toxic? Anything in too great a quantity can be toxic. How toxic masculinity really relates to sports: if emotions are so key to teamwork, how can masculinity?

What do we want “masculine” to be? It’s not inherent. Why is there a negative reaction to the idea of “toxic masculinity,” as in any other instance where too much of something is toxic? First response should be to do a self-assessment.

How does this relate to polyamory? We need to beware of harem fantasies driving all the media representation of polyamory and of societal scripts of jealousy meaning love and other men being enemies. Everyone’s a little bit toxic.

Find Kevin Patterson on email at, online at, on Twitter at @PolyRoleModels, on Oon Instagram at @PolyRoleModels, and his new fiction work For Hire: Operator is on or on the web here: We talked with Kevin and Alana about this new work on episode 563 and about Love’s Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamory and Other Alternative Communities on episode 545.

Chris Smith in on Instagram at @SmithChristopherN or via email at We talked with Chris about Poly and the Black American on episode 528.

32:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”