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Nov 6, 2019

We interview a munch organizer and field audience questions at the Close In munch in Portland, Oregon

0:00 Introduction and host chat

  • If you’re under 18, visit
  • We’re at the Close In munch in Portland, Oregon!

2:00 Interview with Close In munch organizer Hannah

Lessons learned include:

  • poly and kinky people are everywhere
  • it’s important to destigmatize a stigmatized group
  • “Square up; what you want is fine; fuck ‘em all!”

9:00 Poly Weekly live!

  • What advice would you give to solo polys?
  • 12:45 How to come out to folks who aren’t familiar with poly?
    • Anticipate questions, be prepared, be calm, don’t take it personally, give them a year to freak out
    • Folks will match your tone, so adopt one of calm, easy compassion
  • 16:00 How has poly changed in the last 14 years?
  • 17:45 And now there are terms for everything!
  • 19:05 How do I bring up the birth control discussion?
    • Be brave and bring it up. Or leave a birth control pamphlet in the toilet for leisure reading! J
    • Use regular relationship check ins as a space to bring up any issues
  • 22:15 What is your take on hierarchies?
    • If it works for everyone involved and it’s transparent, fine. But it doesn’t work for everyone (or me).
    • The challenge with hierarchies is that it sets up a permission model.
    • Be aware if you are talking about power structure or entanglement levels? If the latter, “nesting partner” might be more useful than “primary.”
  • 26:15 My mom thinks my polyamory is a phase. Do you know folks who have lived out their lives as poly?
    • Allena Gabosch, Oberon Zell-Ravenhart, and many others.
    • Just as with child-rearing, having an extended network to help you in your old age is valuable.

31:15 Contact us

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email

32:00 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors

Thanks to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.