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Jul 15, 2018

Allison Moon cohosts this episode offering advice to a listener who wants to know when to give up on polyamory that is making everyone unhappy.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

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1:00 Host chat

11:00 When to give up on polyamory

A listener wrote in to ask when to give up on polyamory. They had been married for 10 years and opened up because they both liked the idea; they read all the books; already made all the mistakes; wrote their user manuals; and they both love the idea. But they have yet to feel compersion and now often go to bed sobbing or angry, and the husband is going through depressive episodes. When do you give up on polyamory?

  • In general, if a relationship structure isn’t making you a happier and healthier version of yourself, it’s OK to go back to one that is
  • If your reason for trying polyamory isn’t extremely compelling, maybe it isn’t right for you—don’t try to force something that feels wrong to you
  • How are you measuring success? Consider measuring success by lessons learned or happiness rather than by ability to “get” a partner or by the absence of jealousy.
  • All the emotions you feel are OK. Quit judging yourself for having emotions and instead use them to increase your self knowledge. Try the And then what
  • Ignore the “sunk costs” fallacy—everything you’ve done so far will make you better at any relationship, so don’t continue only because you feel you’ve invested so much in poly. You’ve invested that in YOU!

25:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”